Tongue Tied
by asparagus
Summary: [White Flag Arc] Jack finds that there are harder words to say, than parley. [Slash]


Title: Tongue-tied  
  
Author: asparagus  
  
Email: asparagus@iamwasted.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Summary: Jack finds that there are harder words to say, than parley.  
  
Spoilers: Pirates of the Carribean  
  
Warnings: Slash (J/W), Serious Angst  
  
Disclaimer: I have no claim on the movie "Pirates of the Carribean". In no way whatsoever am I profiting from this fictional piece - unless it's an ego boost from any comments you people deem worthy of sending my way.  
  
Author's Note: Some fluff, but angst always gets its way in the end. Hehe. *another guilty grin* And Will's a saint. ...Yet, aren't we all such martyrish fools when in love? ~_^   
  
The White Flag Arc -  
  
That Night at Tortuga  
  
Last Night on the Interceptor  
  
My Lover's Gone  
  
White Flag  
  
A Woman's Prerogative  
  
Tête-à-tête  
  
All's Fair  
  
and this...  
  
-----  
  
Tongue-tied  
  
Jack awoke with a start. It had been this way for six years. He would rise with the dawn as if to make up for those precious few which he had missed. Those were times he had let love slip past. Even if he'd take a warm body to bed in the succeeding years, he would just spend the night watching his drunk partner and then slip out after a decent interval. Sleep would catch him on his ship, and dawn would greet him with bitter regret and an empty bed.  
  
Until now.  
  
He allowed himself to relax as he caught sight of his sleeping lover. A small smile appeared on his lips as he drank in the view. With care, he eased himself back on the bed, reluctant to wake the other. He rested his head on a hand propped up by an elbow and watched. But, once awake, he was not one to keep still. He could not resist reaching out with fingers to ghost the other's face. Bruised lips smiled in sleep and the pirate found himself yearning to abuse them again. He didn't think he'd ever stop longing for their sweet taste.  
  
"Stop fidgeting." they said sleepily. "I'm trying to sleep."  
  
And you're not going anywhere, Jack crowed happily to himself.  
  
"And I'm not going anywhere," Will said as if he'd read the pirate's mind.  
  
If Jack hadn't been so happy, he might have heard the soft inflection of the last, the uncertainty that lingered. Instead, he leaned in for the kiss he wanted.  
  
"I wasn't worried," he said, smugly.  
  
"Then, go back to sleep, old man."  
  
"Who're you calling old man!?" Jack asked in feigned indignance.  
  
He blamed it on the other's smirk when he proceeded to prove that Captain Jack Sparrow was -not- an old man. After an exuberant defense, he disentangled himself from his lover and gathered the younger man into his arms, the other's body spooned against his. But, Will turned in the embrace to caress Jack's face as if in return of the worship his own had received earlier. Kohl-rimmed eyes fluttered close at the attention of callused, but deft fingers. Already half-asleep, he almost missed the whispered words.  
  
"I love you."   
  
"That's nice."  
  
Even before the other tensed, Jack realized his mistake. Previous verbal faux pas paled in comparison to this. He'd been a fool to forget the six years of uncertainty that separated them. Neither of them had said the actual words before. For Jack, the lingering fear had disappeared when he saw Will break at his whispered plea. Or it may have been earlier when Elizabeth told him about Will's six years of celibacy. But, what of the other man? God damn his black soul, Jack cursed himself. How could Will know that he felt the same? In reply to a hesitant profession of love, what words of assurance had he offered, but -   
  
But, it was too late to take them back.  
  
Jack watched from under half-closed lids as his lover turned from him. The broad back that faced him accusingly only tightened the grip on his heart. As a testament to Will's stubborn pride, his body did not shake from smothered tears. But, Jack would've preferred that or even angry, cutting words from his lover. He could have dealt with that. But now, it was as if an abyss had opened up between them. Will had never felt farther away from Jack's reach than at that moment.  
  
When he awoke at blinding daylight, once again, it was to bitter regret and an empty bed.  
  
*****  
  
Jack watched Will leave out of the corner of his eye. He'd spent the entire day watching the younger man. It had been a relief to him that he had not awoken to find Will dropped off at some port. Or maybe the fact that they were miles from any port had something to do with it. In either case, Jack thanked every god he knew for such blessings. He didn't care that Will had avoided him the entire day. For as long as the young man was on his ship, Jack still had a chance to salvage the mess he'd made out of things.  
  
So, deeply absorbed was he that he didn't notice Anamaria's presence until she'd slapped him soundly in the face.  
  
"That's for Will."  
  
"I deserved that."  
  
"Indeed you did."  
  
"So, he told you."  
  
"He didn't need to. It was written all over his face when I saw him on deck this morning. You're not satisfied with having his heart in your hand, you have to crush it as well?"  
  
She sighed in exasperation at Jack's agonized look.  
  
"What exactly did you do to him?"  
  
The man just shied his head away.  
  
"...Or what didn't you say?"  
  
Anamaria shook her head as she guessed what had happened. The thin line of Jack's lips was confirmation enough for her.  
  
"Well, you're the only one who can fix this. So do it. And soon. It's a long way to Tortuga. A heart-broken sailor is bad enough. A heart-broken -Captain- is intolerable. ...Well, what are you waiting for? Get going!"  
  
She shoved Jack in the direction Will had gone. When left alone, she began to mutter about bloody blind idiots in love.   
  
Even if Jack had heard the start of his old friend's tirade, he wouldn't have listened. He was too busy planning what he was going to say to Will. It only required three words. Well, two more if you counted his apology. But, saying it in his head was all well and good. Actually, getting the words out was another thing entirely. The pirate looked down the stairs to where his crew's quarters were. He was certain Will was there, since his shift was done. But, damn, how would he get the young man alone? ...Or maybe he'd appreciate it more if Jack admitted it in front of everyone. It's not like his entire crew didn't already know, but, with an audience...  
  
Shit. He needed some rum.  
  
Jack ducked into his room and headed for his secret stash of liquor. It was probably because of his one-minded focus on his mission that he was caught off-guard for the second time that day. In any case, he only noticed there was someone else in the room when he took a long swig of rum and caught sight of his lover in the mirror. He immediately choked at which his lover pounded him in the back.  
  
"Thanks," he croaked afterwards.  
  
Or, at least, he tried to say so. Insistent lips captured his and nimble fingers began to unbutton his rum-stained shirt. A moan escaped him as the latter grazed a sensitive spot. With his mind about to shut down, it was a wonder he heard his reason screaming for him to get a hold of his libido.  
  
He hurriedly pulled away with a gasp. When he saw the pain that flashed on Will's face, he immediately flinched. He could imagine the rejection the other felt. But, he couldn't let his lover touch him like that until he got things right between them. He quickly caught hold of the other's hands, entwining their fingers before Will could think to escape. Still gasping, he tried to speak.  
  
"I...I...I lo...lo - "  
  
He blinked back tears of frustration as the words refused to come out. Why couldn't he say it? Oh dash it! He knew why. He was afraid. Captain Jack Sparrow was scared out of his wits to say words he'd bandied so carelessly before. Say them and -mean- them. To admit that someone had his heart in their hands...held that power over him... It terrified him more than death ever would, or could, for God knows he'd already died once.  
  
When he realized what Jack was trying to say, Will's tense frame relaxed. Jack hadn't even realized he was shaking until his lover forced free one hand and placed it gently on his cheek. Then, he brushed his lips against Jack's with the same care. Leaning forward so that their foreheads touched, Will looked into his eyes and started to speak.  
  
"I spent the entire day thinking about whether or not staying with you was worth it. And..." The young man took a deep breath before continuing. "And I decided that it was. It was worth every moment, every night and day, to stay by your side. It didn't matter if you couldn't say you felt the same...or if you even felt it." A pained smile flickered and died at the last. "As long as I was near you, I could be happy. Six years without you taught me that. And even if..." Will swallowed. "Even if there's someone new in your bed, at least I can still be close to you. ...So, don't say it if you don't mean it. I don't want that. I can wait for when you mean it...and if you never do...I'll still stay. I'll still love you.  
  
"God, I love you," Will choked out.  
  
Jack tasted the tears as his lover kissed him. And once those feelings were unleashed, there was no holding them back. It was like trying to resist the pull of the sea's undertow, except the pirate wanted to be pulled under. Breathing had become something secondary. But, before the other's passion completely overwhelmed him, one last thought crossed his mind.  
  
His love could never compare to Will's. 


End file.
